I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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