Only a mothe r could love this liver
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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