I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
