I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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