So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
