guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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