Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
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