i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Randomize
