I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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