Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
