he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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