Kareoke will never be a sober sport
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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