fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
We need to rekindle our bromance
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
