all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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