I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
