there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
