ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
