Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Everclear isn't food dammit
Randomize
