On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
