One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
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