You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
