im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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