i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
