i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
