i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Enjoy the penises
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
