I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
