i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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