And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
