I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
just tell him i said nine months
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I wear drunk well.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
