i jhust puked up my retainher.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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