i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
This house was built for laser tag.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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