day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
