Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Randomize
