I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
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