You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
