I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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