remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
