you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
