there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
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