It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Gay?
German.
Pity.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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