I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
