four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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