i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
