I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
