Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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