So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
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