there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Randomize
