I got chris browned last night
gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
