im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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