There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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