So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Randomize
