we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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